How to Manipulate a Pharaoh in Three Easy Steps
by kirin-saga
Summary: Yugi wants Yami to do something for him. Yami doesn't want to. So he goes to the one person who can get Yami to do anything. Shounenai. Darkshipping.


Title: How to Manipulate a Pharaoh in Three Easy Steps  
Author: Cheysuli  
Rated: PG-13  
Pairing: Yami/Bakura  
Warnings: Shounen-ai  
Summary: Yugi wants Yami to do something for him. Yami doesn't want to. So he goes to the one person who can get Yami to do _anything.

* * *

_

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No!"

"Please please please with a cherry on top?"

"Yugi, for that last time; no!" Yami whined as he tried to escape from his annoying hikari.  
"And what does that mean: cherry on top? How can a please have a cherry on top?" he wondered, frowning.

Yugi blinked as the Pharaoh's attention drifted away from the current topic. "It's just an expression, Yami," he said slowly, wondering if Yami really wanted to know or if he was just trying to cause a distraction. It was hard to tell with Yami sometimes. "You know, like when Jou says he's so hungry he could eat a horse or when Anzu says friendship is like birds and sunshine."

Yami shuddered briefly at the mention of Anzu but understood what Yugi was saying. Or so he thought. "Like when Honda says he's taking Otogi riding?"

Yugi blinked before glaring at the Pharaoh. "That's a euphemism, Yami; not an expression. And don't try to change the subject. Yami, I _need_ you to do this!"

Yami suddenly realized he was still in the same room as a determined hikari. "No!" he screamed before he turned and ran.

Yugi sighed.

* * *

"I hear you've been giving your hikari some trouble."

Yami winced and turned to face the source of the quiet voice, trying to determine whether or not he was in trouble. "It's not my fault," he whined. "You don't know what he was asking me to do!"

Bakura smirked and moved slowly towards the cowering Pharaoh. "But I do," he purred. "He was asking for your help so he could make people happy," he continued as he wrapped his arms around Yami's neck and nuzzled against him. "You won't want to disappoint all those people, now would you?" he asked, giving Yami a brief kiss.

Yami trembled. "N-no. But I don't... Mmmm," he moaned as Bakura slowly dragged his hand down to Yami's waist.

Bakura smiled as he stroked Yami. "Don't what, love? Don't want to help? Or maybe," he whispered as he played with Yami's zipper. "You don't want me to do this?"

By this point, Yami was too far gone to think straight and did one of the worst things he could have done at that moment. He told the truth. "I don't want to be embarrassed," he moaned.

Bakura frowned and slowed his movements. "Embarrassed?" he wondered, cocking his head. "So you refuse to help?"

Yami nodded, smiling dazedly. "Yes," he said, moving to give Bakura a kiss.

But Bakura wasn't there.

Blinking stupidly, Yami glanced frantically around the room before finding Bakura heading for the door. "Bakura, where are you going?" he asked desperately, anxious for release.

Bakura turned away from the door and smiled sweetly at him. "I'm going to get some ice cream. I'm hungry."

Yami gaped at him. "But... but what about..." he whined, gesturing towards his crotch and his obvious arousal.

Bakura blinked as he calmly studied Yami's too tight pants. "Well, you'll just have to take care of it. I would but, like I said, I'm hungry. Besides, you won't help Yugi so I don't have to help you," he said, smirking at Yami's horrified expression. "Now if you'll excuse me..." With that, he turned and left the room.

Yami just stood there, wondering what had just happened. Bakura had just... _left_ him? Like _this?_ **_Why!_** Just because he didn't want to... help... Yugi?

Yami felt like crying. He didn't _want_ to help Yugi. It was _embarrassing. _He'd never live it down! But... if _he_ helped _Yugi_, _Bakura_ would help _him_. This deserved some thought.

On one hand, if he helped Yugi, there would total humiliation and the complete destruction of his reputation. But there would also be sex. Sex was good. On the _other_ hand, if he _didn't _help Yugi, his reputation would be saved and Yugi would forgive him... eventually. But there would also be no sex. No sex was bad.

Sex. Or no sex.

Sex... no sex.

Sex...

Yami bolted out of the room like a bat out of hell. "Bakura, wait! I'll help!"

* * *

"Thank you _so _much for getting him to do this, Bakura."

"It was no problem, Yugi. I had fun. Besides, it wasn't really that hard. Figuratively speaking, of course. He can get surprisingly-"

"Could you two _please _not talk about me as if I wasn't here?"

Yugi and Bakura both glared at Yami for interrupting before going back to what they were doing. "Bakura, you're taller," Yugi said, stepping back a bit. "Can you adjust... yeah, that's it. Perfect!"

Bakura moved to stand next to Yugi as they both admired their work. Bakura smiled brightly. "Yami, you look-"

"Stupid," Yami growled, crossing his arms and pouting, not caring that he was acting like a child.

Bakura laughed. "I was going to say adorable but stupid works. What do you think, Yugi?"

"I would say he looks as cute as a button," Yugi giggled. "But then I'd probably have to explain it to him."

Bakura nodded. "Yeah, he's not too knowledgeable about things like that, is he?"

Yami glared, realizing that he was once again being ignored, before turning and stalking towards the door.

"Hey, Mr. Cottontail!"

Yami shuddered before turning to face Bakura, who was suddenly right behind him. "What?"

Bakura held up a basket. "You forgot your eggs. The kids would be _so _disappointed if there wasn't an Easter egg hunt," Bakura laughed.

Yami took a deep breath, silently counted to three, and calmly took the basket from Bakura. Giving both Bakura and Yugi, who was currently on the floor laughing, one last glare, Yami turned and walked regally from the room.

Well, as regally as an ancient Pharaoh in a hot pink bunny suit could, anyways.

Owari


End file.
